Pass It Like the French
- TJ Smith
- Jun 24, 2017
- 2 min read
I begin the shitty part of my journey in the quaint township of French Pass, New Zealand. You're basically only going to end up in French Pass if you're really really into fishing, you like whirlpools enough to drive two and a half hours on a hell road to see them or you have absolutely no sense of direction and got insanely lost. A little history; French Pass is named such because of a tentative French sailor called Dumont D'Urville. He came across the particularly turbulent piece of water known as the French Pass Passage in 1827 and, despite Maori having navigated the passage successfully in their canoes, he spent several days investigating the whirly waters before braving them with his ship. The island that forms the side of the passage opposite from the mainland is named D'Urville Island after him.
However I'm not a history blog; you're here for the poo review. French Pass's public toilet can be found at the back of their town hall with the universally known blue toilet sign sticking out the side. Blink and you might miss it but that rule also applies to the whole dead end village that the toilet is situated in. It's a single unisex stall (yay gender neutrality!) with below par lighting and a bit of a whiff of piss about it. Despite this, it's relatively clean although you're bound to find a bit of the local floral on the floor having been tramped in by a previous user. An alternative to reading while you lighten the load could include counting the spider webs on the roof. But you will be glad to know it's a flushing toilet! None of that hole-in-the-ground business for French Pass, you'll be able to spray and walk away! For those of you who need to dispose of a tampon, a pad or any other conveniently small biohazardous material, there is a sanitary bin that is emptied relatively regularly.
Dumont D'Urville may have taken several days to pass here but I assure you your experience will not be nearly as long-winded.
Happy crapping!
