On the Toilet Trail
- TJ Smith
- Jul 19, 2017
- 7 min read
Well, crappers, I did promise a bookstore review but life happened and I ended up on an adventure. I moseyed on over to the Abel Tasman National Park; did some exploring, hiking, taking in the sights and, of course, checking out the toilets. So this is a long one featuring a collection of the upper South Island's prime bogs.
I began my bog crawl in Motueka. Once again, ol' Dumont D'Urville (the French guy you will read a bit about in my blog post "Pass It Like the French") features here. In 1827, he was the first European to come anywhere near Motueka, exploring the coastline nearby. Mot, however, wasn't settled until 1842 as the second town of the Nelson settlement. Between 1853 and 1876, Motueka was administrated as part of the Nelson Province and, in 1900, it was recognised as a borough of Nelson. Nowadays, Motueka is not only a tourist hub but a pretty decent fishing port too and, with the greater Mot area having a population of about 10 900, it's a thriving community too.
But what about the toilets? Motueka's public toilets are located on Wallace Street which comes off High Street; Mot's main drag. They sit right next to the iSite too so if you're in need of a bit of relief both in the physical sense and orienting sense, this is the place for you. These public toilets are bang on the fine line between artistic and functional with a bit of zest to their decor but still all the good old practicalities you want from a decent bog. They're well ventilated, pretty clean and all around tip top. The only slight issue I had was the lighting in the actual stall; I went at night and it was just a bit too dark in there. But, all in all, they were pretty good! Yay Mot!
Next stop on the trail was Marahau. This cute little coastal settlement is the gateway to the Abel Tasman National Park. In summer, this place is a thriving centre for all those who are looking to hike, kayak or boat into the National Park. Winter is slightly less exciting here but there are still plenty of folks around looking to explore one of New Zealand's most beautiful locations without the summer rush.
You can find Marahau's public toilets right as you drive into the outskirts of the village. The settlement may be lovely and quaint but the toilets are not. Listen, I would definitely recommend going to Marahau but go to the toilet before you get there. Quite frankly, I could smell these toilets as I walked up to them which is never a good sign. They weren't terribly dirty besides shredded toilet paper all over the floor but the ventilation in these stalls was obviously nonexistent. That being said, if you're game to leave the door open, you would have quite a view out over Marahau's gorgeous beach. These toilets are basically about sacrificing your privacy for breathable air and the bonus of a nice view.
We caught the water taxi from Marahau to the lovely settlement of Torrent Bay. For the third time, Monsieur D'Urville enters our story having named this place during his explorations of the NZ coast. More recently, the name of Torrent Bay was also officially changed to include its Maori name, Rākauroa. The actual village of Torrent Bay is privately owned land and therefore not included in the Abel Tasman National Park. When the park was formed in 1942, the boundaries were drawn so that the privately owned land of Torrent Bay could remain such.
There are two public toilets in the Torrent Bay area; the Torrent Bay Village Public Toilet and the Torrent Bay Campground Toilet. The Torrent Bay Village Toilet is the one pictured below. Situated right beside the estuary, this is the toilet that most visitors to the bay end up using. Probably a perilous undertaking on their part. Once again, I would definitely recommend going to Torrent Bay if you're in the area but you're going to want to avoid this toilet. She smelt something fierce. I'm not sure what the Tasman District Council is using as a blueprint for their toilet designs but they really need to work on the ventilation aspect. These two unisex stalls feature the NZ beauty that is the long drop; a nice deep hole in the ground with a toilet over the top. It is understandable then why, upon lifting the lid of these poo wells, you are hit in the face by a wave of air most putrid. Unless you're desperate, I would suggest walking to the Torrent Bay Campground loos instead.
I'll be real with you; these aren't your lovely fragrant typical flush toilets. They're a long drop so they still carry a bit of a whiff about them but trust me they're a damn sight better than the Village ones. Step into the lovely oas-piss of the Torrent Bay Campground loos; well removed from the campground itself and in amongst some of New Zealand's lush and beautiful flora. Let the native bird song charm the shit out of you.
From Torrent Bay, we hiked over the hill to Anchorage. Not to be confused with Alaska's largest city, Anchorage is named such because of its amazingly sheltered bay. This bay is one of the highlights of the Abel Tasman National Park. Anchorage is a great place of base yourself if you want to do the day walks in the area; up to Pitt Head for a breathtaking view, over to Te Pukatea Bay for a more secluded dip or up to Cleopatra's Pool for a go on the National Park's natural water slide and waterfalls.
The Anchorage Campground Toilets were pretty good. The stalls are a bit cramped so I wouldn't recommend taking a backpack into them but they were clean and flushing! You're going to want to bring your own soap for the sink but toilet paper is provided. As is normal in the National Park, you pack out what you pack in so any sanitary items are gonna have to leave with you. Fair warning on the changing room: there's no door so you're going to want to be quick in there lest someone walks in on you. But yay Anchorage; for secluded toilets in the middle of a national park, y'all are doing it right!
A hop and a skip away is the Anchorage Hut. This is quite a set up. For $38 a night in the summer (and $32 in winter), you get a bed, a fireplace to sit around and bloody good facilities. As with all huts on this track, there's no gas cooking or electricity but honestly this is the best hut you're going to get on the trail. The toilets are at the end of the deck; far enough away that you don't have to listen to your hiking mates pee but close enough that you can go out there in your socks in the middle of the night and not have to worry about getting dirty feet. The stalls are unisex and a lot more spacious than the Anchorage campsite ones. They're kept very clean and, once again, flushing! Again, no sanitary bins so it's a pack out what you pack in situation but really that's small price to pay for such clean toilets.
We caught the water taxi from Anchorage back to Kaiteriteri Beach. Kaiteriteri is a Maori word but, due to many variations in spelling, it's meaning is unclear. One translation suggestea it means "the food has drifted". Whatever it means, Kaiteriteri is known for its amazing golden sands and is a popular holiday spot for tourists and Nelson locals alike. The toilets here are right beside the playground, on the other side of the road to the beach. They're a drab little cream coloured block but they're plain exterior should not put you off; these toilets are clean and flushing. They are also the first toilets I have come across that feature both men and women's blocks as well as a unisex one. Who would have thought that Kaiteriteri would feature the most progressive toilets I've reviewed yet?! Kudos to Kaiteriteri; your toilets are great and all inclusive!
We had a bit of a sleep in the next day before heading up the Takaka Hill. Takaka Hill is famous not only for its many caves but also for its fifteen seconds of fame in Sir Peter Jackson's epic Lord of the Rings trilogy. Our first stop was Hawkes Lookout which is a lovely little bush jaunt that brings you to a platform with a breathtaking view over the Riwaka River Valley and Nelson in the distance. This particular lookout is in the Kahurangi National Park which is New Zealand's second largest, covering most of the top northwestern corner of the South Island. I couldn't find exactly why it was called Hawkes Lookout but a good guess would be after Sir Edward Hawke, a royal Navy officer, for whom James Cook named both Hakwe's Bay in NZ's North Island and Cape Hawke in Australia.
The toilet here is a single unisex stall a wee way up the track. It's a nice spacious affair which smells ok but it's definitely not aromatic. It's also all access which is nice as the Hawkes Lookout Carpark is a common rest stop being about the halfway mark on the way over the Takaka Hill.
Our trip up the Takaka Hill ended at Harwood Hole. With a depth of 357m in total, Harwood Hole is the deepest vertical shaft in New Zealand. It was named for Henry Harwood who discovered it along with John Horton and Thomas Manson, but it was not actually explored until 1958. Exploration was completed the following year and, for a long time, it held the record for being the deepest explored cave in New Zealand.
The Harwood Hole carpark also features two other lesser known but no less explored holes. You will see these along with their shelters that have been thoughtfully erected for protection from the weather pictured below. These crappers are both long drops and I would recommend using the smaller one as it's definitely cleaner and smells mildly better. The bigger one is very dirty as you can see by the state of the door. They're both unisex and there is a trough outside which you could wash your hands in but I would recommend bringing hand sanitizer as the water tends to freeze, particularly in winter. As with the other national park toilets, no sanitary bins so you're going to need to pack out what you pack in.
So that's it, folks! I know this one was a long one but now you're set for a large number of the public toilets in the Motueka/Abel Tasman National Park area!
Happy crapping!
Bibliography:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motueka
http://www.newzealand.com/int/marahau/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torrent_Bay
http://www.doc.govt.nz/parks-and-recreation/places-to-go/nelson-tasman/places/abel-tasman-national-park/things-to-do/huts/anchorage-hut/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takaka_Hill
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harwood_Hole
